How to Take Care of Yourself as an Engineering Leader
No One Will Do It Better Than You
Recently, I’ve been focused on running the 30-day series Better Engineering Leader. In these daily messages, I share insights distilled from two years of writing for Practical Engineering Management, creating a focused six-week journey for engineering leaders. We’re already halfway through!
If you haven’t signed up yet, here are the course details:
Be a Better Engineering Leader Ahead of 2025 – for information on joining via Substack or LinkedIn.
In this article, I’ll continue our series of lightweight overviews of engineering leader responsibilities. In previous articles, I covered:
"You Build It, You Run It"—Things You Own as an Engineering Leader - focused on software delivery and discovery practices.
"How to Take Care of Your People as an Engineering Leader" - focused on managing your people.
Today, we'll move to another aspect of our work we often overlook.
As engineering leaders, our roles come with continuous challenges and high expectations. Staying balanced and resilient is key not only to our own success but also to our effectiveness in leading teams and guiding strategy.
Let's explore what we can do to take care of ourselves.
Here, you can find a PDF cheat sheet summarizing this article.
Building Credibility and Trust
When you become an engineering manager, a position of power is automatically granted to you. But very often, this is just an illusion of being in control. Sure, in some cases, you can expect people to execute your orders. But more often than not, you also must make them believe you are right.
Your team and peers need to trust that you know what you’re doing, especially when making tough decisions. There will also be moments when you must lean on others—teams or departments you don’t directly control. Often, these people have different priorities, and your problems aren’t within their direct scope of interest.
Much of your work as an engineering leader is about influencing, dealing with matters behind the scenes, exchanging small favors, and building a support network. All of this will be much easier when you’ve gained decent credibility.
For inspiration, I recommend checking out the concept of Crossing The Chasm. You can position the change you're trying to introduce, i.e., clearly communicate the benefits and unique value of new practices. Using data, case studies, and feedback, you can highlight improvements over existing methods, building a compelling case for widespread adoption.
Read the full article for other ideas for crossing your chasms.
Starting Small to Drive Big Changes
Most engineering leaders aspire to bring transformational changes. Many, especially those in senior leadership positions like SVPs or CTOs, are expected to do so. We all want to make our tech company "elite" according to DORA metrics, have empowered and autonomous teams, and achieve 99.999% of SLAs.
Yet, achieving these outcomes is often extremely time-consuming and unrealistic in one sweeping change. Companies very rarely can go all-in, freeze development, and rebuild their tech stack and processes from scratch. Few people have enough patience, and even if they do, ultimately, we don't always know what the ultimate and ideal state should be.
As an engineering leader, you should focus on small wins that build incrementally. Each small step should provide immediate value, guiding your team and stakeholders toward larger transformations over time. Every such win will give you more followers, credibility, and a broader impact on your work.
This will ultimately make your work more fulfilling and less challenging, as you will have fewer things to prove over time.
Big changes require appropriate momentum, which is often achievable only by small, compounding steps. For ideas on gradual, strategic change, see Example Strategic Blocks for Engineering Strategy.
One of my favorite strategic blocks is Proximate Objectives. This concept involves setting goals that are achievable with current resources and capabilities. It’s about defining clear, short-term goals that move the team or tech stack towards its larger ambitions.
Building Your Support Network
Engineering leadership can feel isolating. Some situations, like redistributing budgets or advocating for at-risk employees, require discretion.
Long ago, I was told to reduce my team’s headcount by nearly 50%. I had only a few weeks’ notice. I couldn’t do anything but prepare for what had to happen: the list of people to be laid off, the scenario for that day’s 1:1s, ideas for post-layoff strategies with a much leaner team, and a recovery plan for the remaining teammates.
For similar situations, having a network of coaches, mentors, peers, and friends outside your organization can offer critical perspective and advice. This support can help you navigate complex challenges, make unbiased decisions, and stay balanced in your role. You’ll be surprised how many leaders, despite different environments, face challenges similar to yours.
A support network of people who understand your role will also help you build a sense of belonging, which can be critical for your well-being, especially when feeling alone with your recent challenges.
For more, check my blog post: Being a Leader is a Lonely Journey.
Turning Your Team Into Advisors
Many engineering leaders think they’re expected to have all the answers for the challenges ahead. Companies sometimes also hire external advisors to bring extra perspective. While having an unbiased pair of eyes can be beneficial, sometimes it's worth checking your team's competencies.
Encouraging open, candid feedback isn’t only about team development; it’s also a pathway to creating your own trusted advisors. When your team feels comfortable sharing feedback, they become your best resource for understanding what’s working, what isn’t, and what are alternatives. A culture of candid feedback provides insights from diverse viewpoints, which often enriches your own approach.
Most importantly, access to your team’s opinions and minds also takes the burden off you, as you don’t always have to know all the answers. Do you use this opportunity enough? If not, check Mastering the Feedback for inspiration.
Freeing Up Your Time
As a leader, you’ll always have more to do than you can handle. As demands increase, we tend to operate in constant “busy mode.” However, true growth and improvement require reflection.
Daniel Kahneman’s research highlights the importance of using both fast, intuitive, automatic thinking (System 1) and slower, deliberate, more analytical reasoning (System 2). Without time for reflection, you risk relying solely on intuition and established habits, which may not be effective for new problems.
It's like fixing bugs in production. The pressure is so high that root causes or preventative steps don’t matter. What matters is restoring system functionality as quickly as possible. There is no time for analysis, just for action.
However, true improvement happens later, e.g., during post-mortem discussions. This is when you review all the data thoroughly, isolate the issue, identify the root problem, and fix it systematically.
The same applies to your work as a leader. There is nothing wrong with blocking time in your calendar just for deep thinking. Taking a long walk or occasionally changing your work environment is also beneficial. These habits help you break out of routine and approach challenges with fresh perspectives.
More on System 1 and System 2 and the process of slowing down to speed up: Slowification: The First Step to Transforming Your Engineering Organization.
Managing Stress Proactively
This article wouldn’t be complete without addressing the most important aspect—stress management—which affects not only your work but also your health and personal life.
Leadership is inherently stressful, especially if you’re a caring person. Dealing with high-stakes decisions, resistance to change, and interpersonal dynamics can wear on you. To stay healthy, you must find ways to keep your stress under control. Here are some proactive strategies to manage it effectively:
Most Respectful Interpretation: Choose to interpret others’ actions and words positively, reducing misunderstandings.
Two-Way Door Decisions: Jeff Bezos’ model distinguishes between reversible (two-way door) and irreversible decisions. Avoid overanalyzing reversible choices; in the worst case, you can return to the initial state.
Covey’s Circles of Influence and Concern: Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t.
Adopt a Growth Mindset: Treat challenges as learning opportunities and feedback as a gift.
Journal Writing: Summarize your experiences and reflect on both positive and challenging aspects to maintain perspective.
Self-Care: Cultivate a fulfilling life outside work; your personal well-being influences your professional capacity.
For more, see Leader's Well-Being.
Final Thoughts
Taking care of yourself is not just about personal health; it’s essential to your effectiveness as a leader. When you prioritize your well-being, you’re better equipped to lead others, make sound decisions, and handle the unique challenges of engineering leadership.
By managing yourself with the same dedication you bring to managing technology and people, you’ll not only grow in your role but also cultivate a sustainable, positive impact on your team and organization.